Katie Holmes Day

Today May 31, 2005 is designated as Katie Holmes Day. Since most people take the day after Memorial Day off anyway, why not make up a holiday that people (okay, guys) will appreciate - a holiday celebrating Katie Holmes. Admitedly I've never been the biggest Katie fan (at least not to Jav's level) but somehow it seems right since she may have single-handedly silenced (temporarily) Tom Cruise's gayness. It's a celebration bitches! So let's do so accordingly. First, show your support for Katie with a special t-shirt. Pretty cool shirt though I think Tom is a huge step-up from Chris Klein. Second, support Katie's newest movie with ANOTHER positive review (of the film, not her performance). And of course, no holiday would be complete without images to remind you of what you're celebrating. Here's her latest photo shoot. (Click the "Cover" link on the left then click "Katie Holmes" then click "Photo Gallery" under her photo on the right).

And finally, I leave you with a photo below that's sure to ruin your new holiday. I'm speechless.

JD

Apparently Tom gave her something more than a career boost. 

I don't believe it...

For one, he's filming "The Decameron" in Italy right now with Mischa Barton.

I think Christensen is just bitching because everyone hates him for ruining the Star Wars franchise and he probably feels he is damned to Mark Hammill's fate. Plus I imagine he'd be just as terrible an architect as an actor. But you bring up a good point JD; I think Hollywood endorses a lot of typecasting and "blacklisting," against certain actors.

Hollywood Conspiracy against Annakin Skywalker?

The only scary thing about being a professional is now when you give bad advice it's more than a mistake - it's malpractice - for which I could be disbarred. But I've wondered whether there's an equivalent to disbarment in other industries. Say Hollywood? Perhaps there is.

Apparently Hayden Christiansen (young Vader) has decided that Episode III will be his final film. He is leaving acting to become an architect. Has been advised by Hollywood to explore other careers or did he just read my (or Cullen's) review of his acting talents? We'll never know.

JD

Chapelle Watch '05 and more!

Apparently Dave is back in the U.S., but not set to get started on Season 3. In other news, Season 2 is finally out on DVD.

I've recently been given a copy of the Clone Wars animated series, because apparently after you watch it you realize how awesome Episode III really was. You get to find out how Darth Greivous contracted Tuberculosis and Hayden Christensen isn't in it!

Recent Movies/Video Rentals:

Team America: World Police = good satire very similar to a long South Park episode (they even steal the "montage" song from a South Park episode). Worth checking out just for the puppet sex scene. Unrated version particulalry nasty.

White Noise = Michael Keaton returns to the big screen in a terrible movie. Skip this stinker

Kingdom of Heaven: The elf from "LOTR" is now a Crusader and no longer cool. He struggles to carry this overly PC film in which Muslims and Christians really seem to like each other deep down (despite killing each other over Jerusalem for a hundred years or so.) Action scenes are sweet! Especially the final siege of Jerusalem. Ultimately worth seeing

JC

Defending Episode III...Somewhat

POSSIBLE SPOILERS



Wow...maybe I am just happy b/c episode iii didn't totally suck like the other 2...but i had generally high praise for this one...

1) the action sequences - much better this time around b/c lucas hired a real director (spielberg) to storyboard all the action scenes first

2) the padawan death scene - "what should we do, master anakin?" Anakin: (pulls out lightsaber) "Don't run"...hehehe

3)CGI was off the meter...even if sometimes there was too much stuff going on to see everything

4) Palpatine was by far the most enjoyable part of the movie...even when he had to do dull stuff like watch that opera thing, whatever the hell that was

Having said all that:

Agreements:

1) Christiansen and Portman are absolutely terrible together...too bad she peaked at 12 (the Professional); I hear hayden is going to retire and be an architect...in the words of dan spainhour, "you need to go play the piano or something because you suck! Get the hell out of my gym!"

2) Continuity problems (not strictly episode iii): Cullen knows how I am a stickler for continuity (I think I was the only person to complain how the end of X-Men would never happen b/c Rogue's powers don't work that way) but I digress:

A) How does Leia remember her mother at all? Internet posters have guessed that maybe she was thinking of her adoptive mother; I personally think maybe through the force...either way, a major slip-up

B) Why can Vader not feel Leia using the Force the way he can with Luke? I mean, he did torture her in Episode iv so its not like he had no contact with her. Plus he just "knows" Luke is his son?

C) How the hell did Obi-Wan get so old between the end of the republic and the start of the rebellion? I know they lived in the desert for all those years, but geez!

D) Why exactly is R2D2 such a badass in the prequels and so lame in the originals? I know the real answer (special efx tech.) but he can't do anything remotely close to fly or kill battle droids in episodes iv - vi

I'm sure if I sat here I could think of more...I guess that's what happens when you try to shoehorn in more stuff 20 years later, Lucas...

3) The Fall, er short trip, to the Dark Side: Was it just me or did it take an insanely short amount of time to go from threatening to kill palpatine to killing children? I stand by my assertion that this entire enterprise should have been 2 movies...fold episodes i and ii into one...no jar-jar, no virgin birth, no midichlorians, turns to vader at the end and then have episode ii be a big war: vader + palpatine + clones against jedi

4) I still have trouble suspending the disbelief that an army of jedi could lose to ANYONE, much less a bunch of robots and test tube babies...i mean Luke Skywalker didn't even have complete training and the Empire couldn't touch him...here are the cream of the crop and they all go out like suckers...including Shaft Windu

Overall though, I give it a solid B...I think its the 4th best movie in the franchise, just a hair behind Return of the Jedi (which gets points for the slave girl outfit, a green lightsaber (which at the time was a major innovation) and the fact that Billy Dee "don't Let the Smooth Taste Fool You" Williams survived to the end)

Cheers,

DMick

Episode III: Revenge of the Dickson Review

Now that sunburn from the bachelor party in Florida is beginning to fade, it’s time for me to respond to Mr. Cullen’s latest review of Episode III. While I agree with many of assessments from my colleague on the west coast, overall I think the movie was one of Lucas’ best (definitely the best of the prequels). I’ll try to be as spoiler free as possible

THE GOOD

* The dark tone of the movie was very appropriate and well done. The attack on all the Jedis was pretty damn cool, especially the scenes (SPOILER) where all the Jedi kids are killed.

* Yoda. That scene where Yoda walks into Palpatine’s office/chambers was hilarious. The fight scene between the two of them may have been better than the overhyped final battle between Annakin and ObiWan. Speaking of Obi Wan….

* Ewan McGregor was fantastic as Obi Wan. He stole the show from beginning to end. Was great in the fight scenes and seemed to have all of the good dialogue in the movie.

* Palpatine – could anyone else have played the Emperor than the same guy who played him in Return of the Jedi?

THE BAD

* Natalie Portman – not that she did a bad job because I believe she’s one of the best actresses in Hollywood. But it was painful watching her trying to deliver Lucas’ lines (Lucas’ fault) and having to interact with Hayden Christiansen.

* The villains. Grievous and Dooku were killed way too quickly in this movie. I know Lucas had to make room for Darth Vader but Jesus, make them look a little bit tougher. And Grievous’ voice was awful (who the f thought that was a good idea?) only Jar Jar’s was worse.

* Vader’s intro. Couldn’t Vader have been introduced a little bit earlier? Wouldn’t have been cool to see him help hunt Jedi’s as Darth Vader? Lucas is such a tease.

THE UGLY

* Hayden Christiansen. Yikes. After watching him in 4 movies, I’m now convinced that Hayden can’t act. I thought Lucas held him back in Episode II but between Shattered Glass and Sith, his secret is out. And to think it was down to Hayden and the guy who played Harry Osborn in Spiderman for this role. To quote one of Lucas’ other films, “He chose poorly”.

* The first 30 minutes. Painful to watch. Two minutes here then a minute and a half there. I fell asleep for the Wookie battle and the start of the Grievous fight. Could have been the midnight showing that got to me.

Hatin' On Star Wars Vol. 1

I submit to you, fans of the franchise, that Star Wars III is even worse than Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Kevin Smith be damned (he says 'Jersey Girl' is his best work). SPOILERS WILL APPEAR BELOW:

I criticize the following:

1. Hayden Christensen ruined this movie. The Faustian descent into the dark side was a great idea but it falls apart because he can't act. Once again, Lucas fails to elicit any sympathy for Annie prior to him becoming an arrogant crybaby. The legacy of Darth Vader is that he is a whiny little bitch.

2. There is no chemistry between Christensen and Natalie Portman. None. There is more romance in her dialogue with C3PO.

3. Lucas tried to cram too much stuff into a 2.5 hour movie. The Wookie battle was about 4 minutes long. There is essentially no character development for the Villains as in Episode I, II, and III. Darth Maul had two lines then got whacked. At least he looked cool. Jango Fett lasted one movie. General Tuberculosis (worst voice acting ever?) whips out four lightsabers then quickly dies, and Count Dooku manages to stay alive for all of about two minutes worth of Episode III. The recurring villains: The Trade Federation and their annoying "battle" droids. Scary!

4. The walk-on , walk-off cameos just get annoying. Hi Chewbacca, bye Chewbacca. Hey, there's the Millenium Falcon! They scrapped a Han Solo cameo last second. Phew!

5. Order 66: Are the Jedi's that friggin weak that only Yoda and Kenobi manage to put up any kind of resistance against the StormTroopers? Can't they sense impending danger?

6. Midi-chloridians: Sigh. And the whole "Qui Gon" transcending death explanation falls short.

7. The end of the Obi - Wan :: Vader battle reminded me of Monty Python's Holy Grail (the black knight). "Tis only a flesh wound. Come back here. I'll bite your legs off."

8. Jar Jar should have been written out or killed off.

9. Leia states to Luke in Episode 6 she remembers what her mother looked like from when she was a little girl. Oops!

10. Clones fighting Robots...high stakes!

The only high points:
1. Ewan McGregor does a great job.
2. Sam Jackson begged Lucas to not let Windu go out like a little bitch (eg, the rest of the Jedi). Lucas delivered. He should have let Sam L. write the screenplay.
3. Appropriately dark. Goodbye little Paduan.
4. Some cool CGI battle scenes at the beginning.

Quickies

A few things before I leave for a bachelor party in Panama City Beach tomorrow morning.

*For a preview of some of the things I'm sure to say to women either this Saturday night or next weekend after Kristin's wedding reception, listen to the Pat O'Brien soundboard.

*If you missed last week's Family Guy, here's Stewie doing the robot. BTW- Family Guy has been excellent so far. If you missed the season premiere, see the below photo of Pinnochio for one of the funnier scenes thus far.

*Any future Jav vs Denard debates regarding the NBA, can be settled at this one website. Quite simply THE GREATEST BASKETBALL WEBSITE EVER.

*And anyone still holding out hope of marrying Eugenia, you had better hurry because she's engaged.

JD
"The Original Whizzinator"

"Pinnochio, did you take the last cookie from the cookie jar? No? Are you sure? You could always lie about it, ya know." 

The Other Summer Blockbuster

I'm sure everyone is anticipating Thursday's opening of Episode III (I am). And most of you will be watching it at midnight (I will). And while I feel confident this will be the best of Lucas' prequels, I also believe that the summer's best movie won't open for another 4 weeks. Mark your calenders. My summer "begins" June 15.

Yep, I can't wait to see Batman Begins. I loved Tim Burton's Batman movies. I even tolerated Batman Forever. But I've been waiting for definitive Batman movie. One that would explain why some rich guy would want to dress up like a bat and fight crime (By the way, Batman & Robin never happened). From everything I've read, Batman Begins is THE definitive Bat film I've been waiting for. For a complete synopsis and FAQ click here.

The cast is a who's who of Oscar nominees/winners: Christian Bale (Batman/Wayne), Gary Oldman (Sgt., not Commissioner Gordon), Michael Caine (Alfred), Morgan Freeman, Tom Sizemore (mob boss Carmine Falcone), Liam Neeson (Bruce Wayne's Jedi teacher, just kidding), Rutger Hauer and Ken Watanabe (from Last Samurai). Not mentioned, Katie Holmes and Cilian Murphy (guy from 28 days Later as the villain, Scarecrow). The director is the guy who directed/wrote one of my all time favorite movies, Memento.

Basically, it's an origin story. The theme of the movie: fear. Which is perfect because the Batman in the comics is meant to be a scary MF. They're shooting for the same kind of intimidating Batman in the new movie. So no Bat nipples and no cheezy lines like "Hi, I'm Batman" (from the last Batman movie that never happened). This movie is going to be awesome. But don't take my word for it. See the two trailers, the final trailer and the (better) international trailer [it's the one on the far right].

JD (yes, I'm a geek)

One Shining Moment. 

"And Boom Goes the Dynamite"

I can't help but laugh at other people's follies. It's one of those guilty pleasures like the sight of parents beating their kids in public. Maybe it's human nature. Maybe it's a guy thing. Maybe I'm just sadistic. But in the same category as the "Star Wars kid", I've found another video of someone f*cking up on camera.

This one involves a freshman at Ball State filling in as sports anchor for a campus news telecast. To say this kid struggled with the teleprompter would be like saying JJ Redick shoots a lot of threes. There is some dead air and some uncomfortable silence (Stu Scott could learn from this). It's like watching a slow motion train wreck. The kid redeems himself towards during a Pacers highlight with some ad libing. This video becomes classic when kid follows a Pacer 3 pointer with this gem "he shoots...and boom goes the dynamite!" Enjoy

JD

Q: When do you know that something is SERIOUSLY wrong with the NBA?

A: http://theacc.collegesports.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/051305aab.html

Wow. All I can say is...wow...

About the Chappelle thing...a bunch of people at work think its drug related...I don't necessarily. Fifty mil. is a lot of cheddar to try to be funny. I guess he just couldn't take the pressure...

Chappelle's Last Laugh?

Seriously, I didn't want to post anything else about Dave Chappelle this week but this is major news. Apparently, Dave has been found. And if you bet he was in a mental hosipital in South Africa, you won. You read that right. Psyche hospital. South Africa. He's been there since April. I'm hoping this is some Tom Green-esque stunt that Dave and his writers came up with, but I doubt it. There may never be a season 3. Bitch.

Where in the World is Dave Chappelle

Here's a better article on Chappelle's "disappeaance". It even includes a preview of one of the skits for season 3 involving Tiger Woods and Rodney King. Would have been hilarious.

Quickies

* As you may have heard by now, there will be no Chappelle Show premiere this month. Apparently, Dave is AWOL. There have been rumors of drug abuse and even psychological problems. But it sounds like the reason is a combination of pressure to live up to expectations and being overworked. Still no word on when the third season will return, but at least the Season 2 DVD will be on sale May 24th.

* I'm sure most of us are planning on seeing Episode III in 10 days (whether you're excited about it or not, Cullen). But if you just can't wait to read a review of the new Lucas product, Kevin Smith has written a pretty glowing review. SERIOUS SPOILER WARNING!! I had to stop reading it before the halfway point, because he gave away some good stuff. Though I did read enough to know why it got a PG-13 rating and why Lucas doesn't recommend bringing the kiddies. And no Natalie Portman doesn't get naked. But she shows off that fine a$$ in "Closer"!

* Ever wondered what it would be like if one of our friends actually made it to the NBA? Well, here's the closest any of us will get to that kind of access. This bench warmer for the Phoenix Suns, Paul Shirley, has been keeping a journal for the past month or two about his road experiences and NBA life in general. And unlike most NBA players, he a) can actually write, b) is pretty funny and c) is totally honest. Pretty good stuff from one week in the regular season(March) and the playoffs so far.

* Two more TV notes: the Family Guy has been great so far. Between last week's GI Joe spoof, the Pinnichio joke, the Passion of the Christ 2 promo w/ Chris Tucker and this week's jokes about Damon/Affleck - the Family Guy is definitely back.
And while I haven't watched SNL since Will Ferrell left, I'll watch it this weekend because...Will Ferrell is back as the host.

JD

Reason #262 that Bethel is no longer a Browns fan

Kellen "Evel Kellnievel" Winslow Jr.

What a dumbass. There were signs last season that his skull was a bit hollow. Every team drafting in the top 5 last year warned him not to sign with agents, Carl & (?) Poston, because no one likes dealing with them. He did, and he dropped from possible #2 pick to the Raiders to Cleveland at #6. Then he signs a contract with much of his salary based on playing time, which would have been easily attainable.... if he didn't get hurt. Kellen Sr's offspring broke his leg in the third game and missed the rest of the season. So instead of earning $5 million in 2004, he got $900,ooo

Now this idiot decides he wants to ride motorcycles and do tricks in empty parking lots. There were a few signs that this may not have been a smart move. a) Jay Williams' NBA career since he bought a motorcycle; b) the provision in his contract which explicitly prohibits him from riding motorcycles; c) if violated, said provision allows the Browns to collect all of his $4 million signing bonus and refuse to pay the other $3 million he's owed.

Obviously, Mr. Kellnievel didnt think about any of this before he chose to do a wheelie at a reported 40 to 50 mph! Oops. But at least he was wearing a helmet. Then again, he didnt strap the helmet on. Double oops. Nice job moron. Kudos to Bethel for abandoning this train wreck for an organization.

FYI - apparently you can own a piece of this great moment in athletic stupidity

You weren't kidding John

You and Joey are the only ones who keep up with this. I have enjoyed going through the recent posts and pictures. I especially enjoyed the picture of Jav dressed up like Strawberry Shortcake. All my respect for Jav's manhood just went down the toliet.

John, enjoyed San Diego. Thanks for showing me around. Especially our dining experience at Strauss Brewery. If that was the last place I visited before I died I would be content. By the way, what is your new cell number?

Sir Charles Quote of the Day: In response to TNT's promo for the X-Files to be aired after the game

"I hate the X-Files. I don't believe in extra-terrestrials...(to Kenny Smith) until I saw your girlfriend. She need to phone home."
 

Charles Barkley's Quote(s) of the Day

Quote 1, regarding 76ers guard Kyle Korver's leaning, of one foot 3 pointer at the end overtime last night

Charles: That was a bad shot.

Kenny Smith: Maybe he didn’t realize he had 10 seconds left.

Charles: He could have had a week left, and it still would have been a bad shot.


Quote 2, regarding 76ers guard Willie Green after he missed the potentially game-winning free throw

“His sphincter got real small. You couldn’t have gotten a pin up his ass with a jackhammer.”

Gay 

Gay 

Gay